The Epic Blog Of Mine

The Epic Blog Of Mine
Feel good fun.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

HAVE A HAPPY 2014!

Hey guys! Just so you know, it's only a few hours more to...
The countdown begins!
And as usual...I sincerely wish all my viewers a very happy new year! May 2014 be an awesome year ahead of you! However, this post isn't ending here because I have my own resolutions for 2014! Here are some of them:
1. Gain weight (again, because I prolly weigh 50 kg still)
2. Be in good health
3. Get a girlfriend (optional)
4. Have sex (optional)
5. Have a smooth path of education.
6. Grow my Youtube channel! (to around 1000 subs!)
If you wanna help out, click my channel in the link below and leave a like, fav, comment and most importantly, subscribe!
http://www.youtube.com/user/perilteo
Once again, have a happy new year guys!
More awesome stuff coming up next year on my blog! Stick around! :D
-Lincoln.


Sunday, December 29, 2013

THE PICK-UP LINE POEM!

Hey guys, bringing you another one of my poems! It just so happened I was at a restaurant and I got bored and constructed a poem and this was the result...hmm.
Forget I even said anyrhing.


Chicks, oh chicks,
thee loves to dig,
dig he shall,
if the pick-up line goes well
'Hey, I'm having a sunburn because you're hot'
Alas, she gave me another nod,
And I knew I was a flop
Try again I did,
In hopes of feeling her tits,
'You are so beautiful, I forgot my pick up line,
but I know you're just that fine,
so its a great pleasure if you were mine'
The only reply was in the form of a decline
She was a stubborn one,
Making everything un fun,
But determined I was
To make her my horse
'Is your dad an art thief?'
Because you are a masterpiece'
I tease, and the words came out with ease,
but never did I knew, that the only response was 'EW!'
My impatience grew, and I knew the time was due,
so I took a deep breath and started anew
'If beauty were time, you'd be eternity'
Those were the true words that came out from within me,
however hard that may be,
and so I waited eagerly
But the silence proved dearly,
As she failed to reply me.
My heart sank,
right to the very end.
Dang, I wasn't gonna be her man,
I sighed and sank my head,
I guess I wasn't getting laid
Yeah, that's what she said,
Because I screwed up yet another potential date,
I guess I really had no fate
My hopes were shattered, my dreams tattered,
no, nothing else even mattered...anymore
but then I heard a soft chuckle,
followed by some cute laughter,
and who else was it but her,
so I asked for her number.
She didn't hesitate to give it to me,
that was when I knew she wanted the d.

-End-
Yes. it is.
-Lincoln.


ANOTHER CRAZY GAME?!

Hey guys, posting another one of my lets plays again... This game wasted 6 minutes of my life...and is for the mentally challenged. Enjoy the video! :D



-Lincoln.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

WHAT A SHOCKING GAME!

Hey guys! Check out this video of me playing a crazy game! You'll never see what's in store for you! ;)


-Lincoln.

Monday, December 23, 2013

A BIG THANK YOU + YOUTUBE!

Just a quick notification that now I will be spending more time on Youtube than on this blog...I'll be uploading my videos here as well...but of course, I will post funny stuff when needed or when I have the ideas...thanks for sticking around!
From the bottom of my heart.

Monday, December 16, 2013

THE MORGAN FREEMAN POEM!

Hey guys! It's been a while now since I made a poem and I thought it would be a great time to do one now. And it would about...the one and only...MORGAN FREEMAN.
Damn...I look good.
So please...enjoy the poem.

Morgan Morgan, the voice of gold,
it is only your voice that we behold,
your vocal chords sure are fine,
so much so that it became divine.
Soothing and calm is your voice,
because your voice is the only choice,
for us to hear and us to feel
whether in real or whether in reel.

Morgan Morgan, you make anything sound good,
your vocals just made me lose my manhood,
girls get wet when they hear you speak,
so why not give them what they seek ;)
The voice of god is finally heard,
and it's a guy with a beard,
no it's not just another guy,
it's the guy who sounds made us high...as hell.

Morgan Morgan, the one and only,
can you please say 'I like ponies?'
nobody comes close to how you sound,
because your bass is where it's going down.
Your voice deepens with emotions,
making men get random erections,
it probably sounds wrong now that I said it,
but your voice may just harden tits.

Morgan Morgan, you're the man,
you can do what others can't
The brink of awesomeness fills your throat,
because even pianos don't hit the right note.

Shine bright like a diamond.
Also, you can see a Youtube video of me narrating the poem in MORGAN FREEMAN's VOICE!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

MORGAN FREEMAN VINE + GETTING 50 BUCKS!

Hey guys, as you may have known, I'm 'vining' now. And also, I'm going to be getting 50 bucks soon due to the ads on my blog! A big thank you to my supporters who clicked my ads and Nuffnang too! As a reward, I present to you, a Morgan Freeman vine. Enjoy.



-Lincoln.

Friday, December 6, 2013

OFFICIALLY VINING!

Hello guys! Just a note, I've now started officially vining! Because that way I can do impressions, reactions and many other things in just 6 seconds! I'm so pumped up*sarcasm* So here's my Vine for you:

*insert awkward cricket chirp here*
-Lincoln
*expect more vining!*

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

THE ULTIMATE ONE-LINER GUIDE.

Hey there! Are you wondering why you can't reject people or piss people off?
Totally reliable customer.
Is your life getting duller by the minute?
Yes, even kids.
Is your mother available for a date with me?
HECK YES.
I'm kidding about the last question. Well, fret not my fellow friends and earthlings! You've come to the right place. The solution for all your problems comes in the form of....ONE LINERS!
Yes, you may be wondering why do I have to use them? Well, it's obviously to help you get out of any sticky situation! Just imagine a scenario, when you are participating in your junior college's ice breaker session and the teacher-in-charge there asks you to introduce yourself. If you use ONE LINERS, and say 'How does the female vagina look like?', it is a guaranteed success for you to make friends. *not really*
In fact, this guide has tons of one-liners to get you out of almost any sticky situation. *it actually gets you into any situation*
That's right.
For example:
1. When you are meeting with random strangers and they engage in normal conversation with you, you say:
-That's what she said.
-Oh no she didn't
-There are too many people in this world, we need a new plague
-Hi

2. When you meet someone obese:
-A good detective knows that a fat person is obese
-How are you doing, gravity?
-Hi lard
-I pity what you are standing/sitting on.

3.When you talk to a group
-There's no 'I' in team, but then again, there's a 'me'.
-Hi me.
-I see only clothes, not faces.

4. When you see retarded people
-You make me feel better about myself.
- I shall not call you a retard because that's bad taste.
-Why are you occupying Earth space?

5. When you give a speech to a large whole audience
-The key to happiness is a key.
-How does the female vagina look like?
-Positivity is key to life, and monopoly coz everyone loves that.
-Other than knowing 75 percent of the earth is covered in water, the other 25 percent comprises of idiots here.
-Can you guys self-detonate?
*The following topic may be offensive to some, so up till now, skip this blog post*
6. When talking to religious people
-When god watched porn, stupid people were created.
-In the event of torrential downpour, please take note God has no cubicle to pee on.
-What is 'god' spelled backwards?

7. Indians or black people *Not intended to be purposeful, only as a joke, no malice intended*
-You make very good thermometers!
-Infra-red!
-We need more lights!
- You help boost the perfume industry!
8. Woman.
-Women exist because they are a sub species of men as told from the spelling.
-Stay in the kitchen.
-What's up wo? *deep joke, if you can tell. If she asks 'what are you calling me?' you tell her 'wo' coz she ain't no man'

This is how effective ONE LINERS are! So try it now and feel proud about your life like I did. *not really*
ONE-LINERs absolutely rock! Take the step forward and use the above suggested one-liners to improve your life!
Mojo.
-Lincoln.

Monday, December 2, 2013

LIFE AS AN ONLY CHILD.

Yeah, you might be wondering why do I start rumbling on about this random topic? Meh, I just felt like it since I'm typing this after midnight. Please take note it is only at this juncture that you'll witness one of the rarest, historical moments in the entire history of my blog, for I will type, my life, in a blog post. *not all actually*

So...here are a few things you should know about me, if you don't.
1. I'm an only child 
The amount of facepalm is huge.

2. I'm a male. 'Why?' you may ask. I have a dick.
This is really really creepy.
3. I'm a douchebag. *finest line I've ever said, and I'm proud of it*

So...let's get on shall we? Life as an only child may seem good at times, but it has its disadvantages too.
The most distinct advantage of being an only child is you get tons of love from your parents, in the form of rewards, money, scoldings and other things. That would be very very nice.
The meme says it all.
Other than that...well, it seems you are the center of attraction of your parents and you don't get to fight with your bros and sisters over food, game consoles, barbie dolls and toys. How cute.
The disadvantage would be a felt emotion: loneliness. Yes, it is what I have occasionally felt in my life. Being at home, with no brothers or sisters to talk to, even if it means arguing with them. True, you may be the household tyrant, but deep down, it's rather empty. Even when I play the PS3, I play single player, MULTI-player has never occured to me, unless I invite my friends over, which I sometimes do. These are some examples of how an only child would feel like, coming surprisingly from yours truly, Sir Asshole *another alias of mine*
Well, thank god for the internet and online versus modes! I'd be dying of boredom without 'em.
But fret not, 'only children' *term coined for only childs, duh*, for if they say 'two heads are better than one', two heads make twice the trouble. Being an only child would obviously reduce the amount of family troubles you have in your life: less brother/sister rivalry and your parents save costs on raising another child. Oh the vanity.
Enjoy this post while you can, readers. The next one won't be THAT heartwarming anymore now, eh?
Of course, elements of douchebaginess, trolling, sarcasm and satire will be included.
Never ever underestimate the power of  a lizard. Ever.

-Lincoln