The Epic Blog Of Mine

The Epic Blog Of Mine
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Wednesday, December 4, 2013

THE ULTIMATE ONE-LINER GUIDE.

Hey there! Are you wondering why you can't reject people or piss people off?
Totally reliable customer.
Is your life getting duller by the minute?
Yes, even kids.
Is your mother available for a date with me?
HECK YES.
I'm kidding about the last question. Well, fret not my fellow friends and earthlings! You've come to the right place. The solution for all your problems comes in the form of....ONE LINERS!
Yes, you may be wondering why do I have to use them? Well, it's obviously to help you get out of any sticky situation! Just imagine a scenario, when you are participating in your junior college's ice breaker session and the teacher-in-charge there asks you to introduce yourself. If you use ONE LINERS, and say 'How does the female vagina look like?', it is a guaranteed success for you to make friends. *not really*
In fact, this guide has tons of one-liners to get you out of almost any sticky situation. *it actually gets you into any situation*
That's right.
For example:
1. When you are meeting with random strangers and they engage in normal conversation with you, you say:
-That's what she said.
-Oh no she didn't
-There are too many people in this world, we need a new plague
-Hi

2. When you meet someone obese:
-A good detective knows that a fat person is obese
-How are you doing, gravity?
-Hi lard
-I pity what you are standing/sitting on.

3.When you talk to a group
-There's no 'I' in team, but then again, there's a 'me'.
-Hi me.
-I see only clothes, not faces.

4. When you see retarded people
-You make me feel better about myself.
- I shall not call you a retard because that's bad taste.
-Why are you occupying Earth space?

5. When you give a speech to a large whole audience
-The key to happiness is a key.
-How does the female vagina look like?
-Positivity is key to life, and monopoly coz everyone loves that.
-Other than knowing 75 percent of the earth is covered in water, the other 25 percent comprises of idiots here.
-Can you guys self-detonate?
*The following topic may be offensive to some, so up till now, skip this blog post*
6. When talking to religious people
-When god watched porn, stupid people were created.
-In the event of torrential downpour, please take note God has no cubicle to pee on.
-What is 'god' spelled backwards?

7. Indians or black people *Not intended to be purposeful, only as a joke, no malice intended*
-You make very good thermometers!
-Infra-red!
-We need more lights!
- You help boost the perfume industry!
8. Woman.
-Women exist because they are a sub species of men as told from the spelling.
-Stay in the kitchen.
-What's up wo? *deep joke, if you can tell. If she asks 'what are you calling me?' you tell her 'wo' coz she ain't no man'

This is how effective ONE LINERS are! So try it now and feel proud about your life like I did. *not really*
ONE-LINERs absolutely rock! Take the step forward and use the above suggested one-liners to improve your life!
Mojo.
-Lincoln.