The Epic Blog Of Mine

The Epic Blog Of Mine
Feel good fun.

Friday, June 29, 2012

SPAIN VS ITALY!

Alright, so it's come down to this. Quite a remarkable surprise that Italy actually won Germany in their Euro semi-final, with Mario Ballotelli netting two for Italy.
Problem?
It's been an awesome Euro 2012, with upsets and surprises...
Spain won Portugal on penalties, with both sides having equally good chances. Russia got eliminated in the group stages due to UEFA's stupid HEAD TO HEAD RULE.
Pirlo's awesome penalty take, known as the 'Paneka', sang many praises, as well as Ramos' superb chip over Portugal goalkeeper Rui Patricio. NOW WHY DID HE BALLOON THE BALL IN REAL MADRID?
and Pirlo's shot, what a beauty:
as well as Ramos' paneka:

So much has happened during the Euros, but I'm pretty sure we all had a good time watching it. Well, next monday's the day to watch! 
-Lincoln.


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Saturday, June 23, 2012

THE CHUCK NORRIS POEM

So I decided to make tribute to Chuck Norris, the so called 'internet great of all time'. Now I hope he doesn't kill me.
Haha, Chuck Norris doesn't kill you, you kill yourself when you hear his name.
Oh god. Well, enjoy this poem I made for Chuck Norris, with his invincible strength and superhuman powers.

LE POEM:
Chuck Norris, he's a god,
causes earthquakes with a nod
able to communicate with tons of dogs,
uses his teeth to chop off big-ass logs.

Chuck Norris, cannot be seen
even owns his own invisible ink
when he falls down an ocean opening
he's perfectly okay, but the ocean sinks.

Chuck Norris the extraordinaire,
doesn't actually breathes air
makes a pen knife out of his chest hair,
rules out his opponents with extreme flair.

Chuck Norris, damn he's good,
eats gun ammunition like it's food,
goes everywhere with a hood,
and everyone's going 'Woah, hold on dude!'

Chuck Norris, his fists are strong,
once he clenches them, he releases an atomic bomb,
he creates coffins during his free time,
so when he kills people, it'll fit into his tomb.

Chuck Norris, made of steel,
probably even harder, but who knew?
He can regenerate, he can heal,
you probably wouldn't even know your ass got copped a feel.

Chuck Norris, he's irreplaceable,
the one and only invincible,
if you look at him, you'll find him fap-able,
but I'm pretty sure if he finds out you'll be in deep trouble.
Spare me.


AWW YEAH.
Hope you enjoyed the poem.
-Lincoln







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Thursday, June 14, 2012

SCRAMBLE MANIA!

Admit it, those of you iPhone and Android users just can't stop playing Scramble. I mean, it's just a word game with points to it but who can't deny that challenging your Facebook friends for how many words they can find isn't fun? This awesome app created by Zynga has been one of the most downloaded apps, mainly due to the app occupying little memory and being so fun that playing for hours doesn't seem enough. Even I myself am addicted to this word game.
The walking dictionary of English vocabulary.

And most importantly...the most asked question is: 'How do you OWN in Scramble?'
It boils down to a few things. 
1. You need bloody fast fingers.
Apparently, there is only two minutes for you to get as many words as possible. Not having fast fingers is like not having a dick for sex.
Japanese girl strikes.
The only way to do so is to get used to the game by practicing it many times.

2. Go for the words with more points.
Thankfully, Zynga has made the game such a way that there are letters that are worth more than the others, in fact much MUCH more and they are highlighted in red or blue. Here's an example:
As you can see, the blue and red words give you higher points or bonuses from words.
Try to form more words using the red or blue letters, but don't forget that there are other letters that you can use at your disposal. And lastly..

3. Know the permutations and form long words.
Albert Einstein would have owned in this game, because the word 'tea' can have four different types of permutations, just by relying on 3 words. 'Tea, eat, ate and tae' are all excepted in Scramble and the main point of this is not to sift out words that are obvious, but try to find words by changing the order of how the letters go. It is also good to learn some unknown words that exist in the English Dictionary via Scramble, so you will have more experience in later games. If you're advanced enough, you can try forming words that are more than five or six letters long, giving you lots of points on just a word. That sir, is boss.
In time to come, you'll be a boss in Scramble.
Happy Scrambling.
-Lincoln
*whips out iPad and plays the shit out of Scramble*






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Top 5 epic internet jokes

The internet is an awesome place to have fun and laugh your ass out.
Something like that.
But who actually laughs without epic jokes? Without the intensity, audacity and insanity of the jokes, nobody gives a flying fvck.
Couldn't agree more.
That is why I present to you to top 5 epic internet jokes of our generation, or close to it, for I wasn't born before 1997. Seriously.
I feel terrible.
5. Arrow to the knee
Yes, it was getting over-used somehow or other, but tis skyrim reference received awesome response and almost immediately, everyone used this joke...until they took an arrow to the *bish!* ARGHHHHHHHHH.
If you don't know what that means, its okay. 
You need better knee armor then.
Originally a quote from Skyrim, in the form of  'I used to be an adventurer like you, until I took an arrow to the knee', this joke has been phenomenal in the meme world and even a video was made to parody this joke.



4. Y U NO
Who doesn't love a little rage sometimes? Add a tinge of anger, a quarter spoon of rape and a sprinkle of capital letters and you get 'Y U NO?'
First world problems.
Commonly used to express rage and frustration, the face originated from a Japanese comic book.

3. Chuck Norris 
If you don't know who's Chuck Norris, he's an international karate champion and well, gained recognition for his superhuman 'powers', inspired by the 'Late Night with Conan O'Brien' show.
Here's some of the jokes:
-Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
-Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
-Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using pokemon cards.
-Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
-Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books; the words assemble themselves out of fear
Pretty neat joke.
This man is crazy.
2. KONY memes
Yes, it's apparent people like to make fun of this international terrorist in Uganda. Ah yes, did I mention he likes children? Ever since the video: KONY 2012 went viral on YouTube, it has received countless responses throughout the globe and garnered support to help its cause and stop Kony, the corrupt terrorist in Uganda who uses weapons and slaves to rule. From there, they wanted to make Kony 'famous', tweeting him on Twitter, raising awareness through tons of social media platforms, and the cause is supported by the Invisible Children foundation. Not gonna say anything else, except to enjoy these disturbing yet really funny memes:
Nice word play.



and..
What a cruel joke.
1. YO MAMA JOKES
Nothing beats a good insult to your own mother. Oh damn. *MOM RAGING THE S*@T OFF*
A good example would be 'yo mama...'
Here are some jokes and videos to prove that insulting your mother will make you a happier person * Le mom rage punches me*

Yo mama so fat...
-that when she was diagnosed with a flesh eating disease, the doctor said she had 10 years to live.
-that when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.
-that people jog around her for exercise.
-that light bends around her.
-that a photograph taken of her last year is still printing.

-Lincoln
*Le crazy mum punches me*


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Saturday, June 9, 2012

I bloody hate cockroaches.

Yes, that little pest you see on the floor. Dark brown, with feelers and wings, able to fly and certainly scaring the living crap out of everyone.
Holy crap.
They can live a week without a head. No kidding. And well, they're extremely dirty and unhygienic.
Also, they make good tools to scare douche bags/ people who are a nuisance to you. Hoho.
You are one ugly bitch.
Yuck. I don't even wanna touch them. Honestly, I'd prefer lizards over cockroaches as pests, they don't seem so scary and creepy.
How cute.
I'm not sure about you, I ain't sticking to cockroaches for as long as possible, even though they're dead. Time to get some Baygon.
Fear thy insecticide, cockroach.
And probably some bacon...
You heard him, bacon.
-Lincoln.
 *rhymes with bacon and Baygon* *laughs at lame joke*





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Monday, June 4, 2012

5 dumb sports you wouldn't want to play

Sports. How engaging. We do love them indeed, but obviously the sport has to be interesting and fun. And well, please try not to rage when you see this. I'm telling you, it IS legit. But you gotta give these sports courage, they dared to challenge the unthinkable, be creative as possible and well, be in the center of stupidity, or so to say.

And he only has four fingers.

Well, enough of talking, let's get down to business.
Here are some of the dumbest sports ever lived:

5. Underwater hockey
Yes, hockey is popular but apparently the version with water isn't that well-received. Nah, I'm just kidding. This sport sucked like hell. Hard to believe but true, there's even an Underwater Hockey League and some Swedish people player Under-ice hockey.  That sir, is just stupidity soaring to greater heights, with all due respect.
Fishing would be a better term.
And here's another video to prove it:
Damn, this is bat sh*t crazy. Minus the bat.

4. Shin-kicking
Thank god it wasn't crotch kicking, but nevertheless a dumbass sport.
You're supposed to kick your opponent's shin until they fall, which is somehow or other related to wrestling I guess, except without intelligence. Spam someone's shin and if you manage to win two-out-of-three games, well, you win. Talk about world peace when we're doing this. -_-
Global warming pales in comparison to this.
and here's a picture:
Thankfully, they have stocks of hay hidden beneath their jeans.
and yes, let's see the action:


3. Cheese rolling
Yes, it can get this extreme. A group of people chase after a wheel of cheese that's released from a massively steep hill and well, the fastest guy to reach the hill down slope wins, with injuries of course. Ahh, mankind makes huge sacrifices to a tasty roll of milky, yellow yeast-made product known as cheese. -_-
The cheese doesn't look very tasty.
and yes, another video:
Faith in humanity: Destroyed.

2. Ferret Legging
Oh gosh, it's getting worst by the minute. You put two ferrets *furry animals* in your trousers/pants and well, you have to apparently endure the fact that these animals are surrounding your reproductive system and it could be gone anytime. 
Truly.
You pretty much have to endure these animals in your pants for as long as possible. The prize? I don't really care because this sport is bullcrap. 
Here's your prove: 
Testosterone booster.
and a video:

and lastly...
1. Rock-Paper-Scissors League
I mean seriously? The winner takes 50 grand home. And you say school kids are flunking their education? WHAT ABOUT SOCIETY.
I can't actually believe this, but apparently the classic game which paper beats rock, scissors cuts paper and rock smashes scissors can actually become a tournament full of, well, lucky douches who can win if they spent their childhood playing this game instead of studying. 
Here's a video and well, the crowd goes wild when the champion is crowned :
" The biggest throwdown in Hand Sport history". Of course, I have nothing to say except:
I'm sorry, I raged.
Rock, paper, scissors anyone?
-Lincoln






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