The Epic Blog Of Mine

The Epic Blog Of Mine
Feel good fun.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Luis Suarez vs John Terry

Wait a minute folks, Luis Suarez's first season at Liverpool ended up in style and his second season...well, more of a unlucky one but what are you guys out there complaining about ? Hmm, let me guess, it is you all trolls of soccer complaining about his racist remark against Patrice Evra? Sure thing bro.
Seems legit.
Oh then i guess it is time for you guys to wisen up from that deep slumber of persistent acknowledgement for the fact that he calls everyone a negrito back in his homeland Uruguay. So what's wrong with that? I mean people do rant when they are angry. Suarez just made a little pussy comment about Patrice Evra
For god's sake, its a friggin' pussy.

 and he went away with a 8 match ban while John Terry who had alleged to have threatened to kill fellow countryman Anton Ferdinand after being probed when he called A.F(Anton Ferdinand) a nigger walked away unscathed. In that case, you can probably question Luis Suarez who at that time was playing for Uruguay against Russia to have played a part in wardrobe malfunctioning.
Taking wardrobe malfunctioning to a w-HOLE new level.

 Okay, lets move on to his high instead of whining why John Terry never screws any black woman.
This meme is a beast.
Here are some videos to prove that Suarez is not just a racist which comments and not contribute to the team efforts.



Also, here's another meme for Terry, pretty sure you guys will agree out there.
Sexual innuendos.
and this one:

Look at his face.

-JJ



Wednesday, May 30, 2012

5 Reasons Why Barack Obama is BADASS.

Ahh yes, the first black president of United States. I'm not being racist here, I'm just saying Obama's become one of the most awesome figure in US history.
Woah dude, you just blew my mind there.
So...let's get down to business. 5 Reasons why Obama is badass.

5. Supported gay marriage in USA.
U MAD?
Yeah, what an absurd thing to do. Nice bow tie by the way. Now I'm sure most of you people would be skeptical about this and this issue has become a controversy in the USA. Well, you gotta admit, this guy has guts and stands up for what he believes in. 'It's all about commitment, I've seen same-sex couples stay committed for a long time'. Pfft yeah, still longer than Kim Kardashian's marriage.

4. Managed to kill Osama Bin Laden
Woah, dude. That's badass. Apparently, the fugitive that's been on the heels of the USA secret service and police organization has lasted so long, until Barack Obama came. True story bro, not easy shit to handle, since his the president of the United States and everyone's watching how he takes his action.
BOSS MODE.
3. Featured in troll comics.
Muahaha, I know it isn't too great an accomplishment, but hey? His face is troll material. Don't believe me. You'll see.
Dang, this guy's good.
Well, it's obvious he has been the root of anger management problems but it's perfectly fine. Just try not to commit suicide so often.

2. Managed to quit smoking and kissed a chinese man in the process
What a role model. Before he was this:
I'm so high.
and after he was this:
Talk about gay marriage.
1. Managed to become US president when his race was looked down upon.

Major milestone of his life, true story. He managed to accomplished what Martin Luther King Jr. failed to do so. He beat the odds, against Mc Cain, and Hilary *in case you didn't know, they were contestants in the US election* and well, made US history as the world's first black president. Pretty neat eh. He's also quite the social guy, giving high fives and punches to citizens of America. 
Boo yeah. 
He managed to convince the people of America to have trust in him. And they did. So kudos, Obama.
I guess Superman has another kryptonite.
Kudos.
-Lincoln.






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Monday, May 28, 2012

Top 5 Comedy Sitcoms Of All Time

Yeah, new segment introduced to the blog. DUM DUM DUM. *drum rolls*
It's the 'Top 5' List of Everything. And today's topic is Comedy Sitcoms!


5. Seinfeld
BA DUM TSS.
Well, it might be an old show, but well, it sure is gold. For those of you who don't know this show, you might wanna take a look at it, comedian Jerry Seinfeld plays well, Seinfeld...
Dang it.
and the whole show is full of crazy situations and sex. Yes. Sex.


4. Friends

Ugh, 3 girls 2 cups?
Yeah, this is somewhat of a romance/social sitcom revolving around the lives of six people. A pretty old show that dates back to the '90s. Somewhere around there, I guess. And no, this show doesn't teaches you how to be a good friend, it makes you laugh at one.


Smart is the new sexy.
Personally one of my favorite sitcoms, it revolves around four 'nerds', the main one being 'Sheldon Lee Cooper', the guy in blue, an anti-socialist who has a weird habit of knocking on the door nine times every time he visits someone. Yes, there's a chick called Penny and sparks fly between her and the other nerds, not Sheldon *anti-social, remember*. Pretty scientifically funny...
That's a nice tie you got there.


2. 30 Rock
Rock on.
Well, this sitcom is pretty unique, having its theme revolving around employees working for a media corporation in this building called '30 Rockfeller Plaza', hence the name '30 Rock'.

FUUUUUUUU.
Some of the quirky characters include a driven-by-power boss who's afraid of his mother, a single but sexually and socially awkward manager and a crazy-ass, mentally unsound negro who runs around the street with a lightsaber and wearing only underpants screaming 'I'm a Jedi!'. 

and lastly...
1. The Simpsons
The good ole' couch.
No surprise there. It's been the longest running cartoon sitcom show that spans for more than ten years, and to be precise, it began its debut on 17 December 1989 and broadcasted 508 episodes already, and obviously is still currently running. This sitcom has received internationally acclamation for its easy to understand story of a middle-class family consisting of Homer, the occasionally crazy alcoholic who's catchphrase is 'D'oh!'; Marge, the housewife with a weird fetish for clean things as well as her super long hair; Lisa and Bart, children of Homer and Marge, studying in Springfield, as well as Maggie, the toddler of the family, who can't speak and sucks on her pacifier * although she used a gun and shot Homer's boss *


Well, that's the top 5 in my opinion. 
-Lincoln 






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Sunday, May 27, 2012

Cartoons vs Reality TV Shows

Admit it, you gotta love cartoons. It represented our childhood and innocence and well, probably the hysterical laughter of Spongebob Squarepants.
Oh you're mad for sure.

Somehow or other, we seem to be much more creative when we watch cartoons than other reality TV shows like say er...
My life is ruined. 
or...
And we all wonder how did her ass get on TV.
and sometimes, ridiculously expanding to epic proportions...
Simon says shut up.
I don't know whether it's been scientifically proven to reduce one's intelligence, but by the looks of it, it sure is. To be honest, I do watch American Idol for it's talents, but producing tons of seasons of it seems ridiculously profitable to media companies...
Ooh.
Well, come to talk about cartoons, they just seem more creative and colorful and well...
 Trolling level: over 9000.
so much better than this. Let's take a look at Spongebob. He's yellow, has holes *no sexual pun intended* and well, lives in a pineapple under the sea. How bloody awesome is this story?
Wonder where his hair came from.

Most cartoons are adorable and well, at least they aren't as absurd as 'Jersey Shore' or 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians', in which you see sexy people make money out of a pointlessly dumb reality TV show. Yes, the society actually pays money to see boobs and asses on TV shows.
So..much..porn..
-Lincoln.






THE EARTH WILL END IN 2012?

Bulls**t. No seriously. Yes, yes, scientists say the Earth is going to end due to some cosmic rays from the sun or due to some bloody ice age/flood that engulfs our planet and demolish us. That sounds so scientific. Scratch that, it's a lame joke. Science is always the truth, but here's my analysis.

Firstly, the Mayans:
Prehistoric guy smoking weed. Period.
I'm not poking fun at them, well basically my blog pokes fun at people and things, but apparently the Mayans created a calendar spanning our civilization's time on Earth and it ends on 21 December 2012.
Fudge sticks.
To keep a long story short, we'll literally die in 2012.
Coffee, anyone?
It's been religiously and mystically believed so by us but by the looks of it, Earth's still running pretty damn well. Resources are depleting, yes, but it won't deplete at a rate so fast, by the end of this year, it'll burn to ashes. That's SCIENCE. And if you were to talk about it, there is no evidence that the Mayan calendar and the end of the world are related whatsoever. The calendar doesn't say it links itself to the universe and well...that's enough to prove that it won't end THAT fast. I'm not saying the Earth won't end, it's just gonna end much later. 
I bet he's vocabulary is limited.

Since the Earth lasted so long ever since the Big Bang Theory * the theory in which different planets collided with each other to form a big explosion, thereby forming Earth, in short*, why shouldn't it last even longer? It isn't just pure coincidence we lasted from the AD times, to the BC times and now to the 21st century. Earth is badass, and yes, it will last for as long as possible. 
Earth ain't dying bitch, coz yo mama said so.
-Lincoln.


Saturday, May 26, 2012

AVENGERS. *guide included*

Oh yes, so I went to watch the avengers yesterday.


WHAT. I didn't actually have time before that. Anyway, it's really an awesome show that's worth your money. The CGI is good, the sound effects and story plot isn't predictable but still entertaining and the actors potraying the Avengers are one hell of a team. Robert Downey Jr. *Iron Man*, Scarlett Johannson *black widow* and Chris Hemsworth *Thor* just to name a few. In case you were wondering what the hell is the Avengers, fear not. The guide you need is right here. But if you do know much about it, then you can skip this portion. 

LE GUIDE FOR AVENGERS. *TROLL VERSION*

Alright, so this guy:
Eye am Nick Fury.
is Nick Fury, the head of S.H.I.E.L.D, an top secret organization dealing with classified matters regarding Earth's safety. And then, this guy:
Playboy, philanthropist, millionaire Tony Stark.
Tony Stark finds a secret power under the ocean that has unlimited energy, known as the tesseract:
Oh look, its a three dimensional blue cube thingy.
He manages to get it and S.H.I.E.L.D actually plans to research on how to use this tesseract for weapons and harness the energy from it. Then, this guy comes in:
I guess he's horny.
He comes from the planet Asgaard and is Loki, known as the God of Mischief. He manages to get information by using his magical wand and possess one of the professors working for S.H.I.E.L.D.
After they try to test out the tesseract, Loki comes out of the portal created by it using his teleportation powers that he has. He destroys and burns S.H.I.E.L.D down using the power of the tesseract as it spins out of control. To keep a long story short, Nick Fury gathers these heroes:
HULK SMASH.
I used to make jokes about Hawkeye having no superpowers until I took an arrow to the knee.
Loki, brother of Thor, Demigod of Thunder
The black widow. Damn, that gun looks good.

Captain America. Stars and stripes.



and Iron Man, as shown previously. They work together and kick ass and try to stop Loki and his alien friends from invading Earth. And of course, they succeed. 

Just to show how bad ass this show is, here's a trailer. Trust me, any action fan would wanna see it. But if you ain't, take a look. It's definitely very cool and exciting. Oh and funny thing, whenever Hulk transforms, the pants he's wearing never tears apart. Huh. Maybe it can stand massive erections as well. Who knows.
Anyways, enjoy.
-Lincoln.
P.S * the challenge is still on for 8,000 views...*




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