The Epic Blog Of Mine

The Epic Blog Of Mine
Feel good fun.

Monday, May 30, 2011

HOLIDAYS FTW

It feels good to be back. It's apparent the holidays are here *insert awesome cheer here* so I've dedicated this post to it. Tons of stuff to do, but mainly Black Ops.
Here is the list of my must-get games:
-Battlefield 3
-Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
-Uncharted 3
-Crysis 2
-Portal 2
-Infamous 2
Boo yeah.
Well, less talking and more awesome-ing. (is that even a word? o.O)
-Lincoln.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Crotch kicks and mother fucking vampires = Love + Hate

Don't you just love it when your crotch gets a big kick in the groin? Ahhh, splendid. The common response you'll get is 'ARGHHH!'. Love that. *Russian Voice* Crotch kicks are, how you say, very beautiful. Your big balls will get hurt. Very badly. Ooh la la. Muahaha. Masturbate. 

Big balls. Big kick.
And vampires. Ahh, fuck them. Blood sucking mother fuckers. You die, bitches! They say vampires are allergic to garlic, silver bullets or when you tie them to a Christian cross. How untrue. If you had a shotgun, that would solve the problem. Boo yah. Onward Nazis. *Epic Nazi Hand Stretch* As for the vampires, go taste some silver bullets. 

Watch out. I bite back.
Adios Amigo. There's not much left of me to say. Hmm, maybe one more sentence. 
Death to bitches, vampires, bad breath, Justin Bieber and all you non-awesome people!
-Lincoln.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Baby Parody: Kill Them.

Now I know I said RubbaFace isn't gonna make more parodies, but this one has to go on my blog. Seriously. And well, if you're a female, this is sensitive. *Please leave immediately if you don't feel uncomfortable.* Alas, I present to you, the parody.

Lyrics:
*Dum Dum Dum* Look at all those bitches there. *Dum Dum*
They are so ugly I swear *Dum Dum* Look at their pathetic hair! *DUM!*
1st Verse:
Idiotic buffoons, who can't think.
Crazy baboons, who look like dicks.
They have no brains,
they smell of shit.
They have no fame and no bloody armpits.
So god damn useless,
a waste of space.
Bunch of cheap sluts,
I'll punch their face.
Adolf Hitler wants to destroy,
a bunch of stupid looking girl who look like boys!
Chorus:
And we were like 'Kill Them Kill Them Kill Them ALL!'
Kill Them, Kill Them, Kill Them ALL! x2
We'll rip out their fucking eyes and piss on them
Repeat x2

2nd Verse:
Oh look at them, those 4 meat headed shit sacks. (I don't know why, but I prefer 4. For a reason, obviously).
Man, their faces are full of monkey crap.
Tie them to a house,
burn it to the ground,
watch them cry somemore,
we'll laugh at them right now.
Make them suffer,
those bloody bitches,
rip their hair apart,
dissect them into ten parts.
And let them *Slow Mo* suck some dick,
and we will laugh out loud,
we will tell them now
Chorus

Rap:
Oh yeah! When I first saw them,
they looked like bullshit,
I couldn't compare them to human beings,
coz they were so stupid, every single one of them.
They were just grade A dog crap,
they had no common sense,
they were so fucking stupid,
when they pee-ed, they went to the gents.
They were just backstabbers,
a bunch of useless girls who betray people for their,
own gain and benefits,
but what they didn't really know was that,
we weren't blind, yeah
we knew what they did,
those useless pieces of shit,
and now it's payback,
we're gonna let them have it,
Chorus

Ending:
Kill them all, make them suffer more x3
Fuck those sluts.

So there ya' go. I'm pretty sure it's awesome. I took about 1 hour on this. And I do have an Apologize Parody about my 'awesomeness'. I'll post that sometime later.
Voila.
-Lincoln.

Stupidity = A Test Of Your Intelligence.

Alright earthlings. Let's all admit it. Somehow or other, we're all stupid. It's just HOW stupid are we. And hence, this post was created. For stupid people. Voila. Now, the definition of the word 'stupid' means 'being dumb enough to lose your virginity to a tree branch'. *Epic Definition FTW* There are tons of stupid people in this world, and even in my class. But with respect to their extreme stupidity, I shall not mention their names. I'm afraid they might go hit themselves with a rock or something. Homer Simpson once said 'Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups'. That is so true. Now let's get this clear with, Spongebob is not stupid. He's a cartoon character that acts like he's dumb. But for Justin Bieber, pfft, hell yeah. Too stupid to be true. *Epic Swearing* Not to worry, I've made a stupid-o-meter for all you guys to check how stupid you are. *applause* Ahhh, humanity. Gotta love it.

My great grandfather once told me this.
-The Stupid-O-Meter- *Epic Cheer*
How it works: 
You'll be given a stupid rating from 1-5. There will be guidelines for you to follow and you can check how stupid you are from there. Congratulations. You're one step away from being an idiot.

Guidelines to your stupidity:
1- Laughing at fat, black, gay people. Or Justin Bieber.
(You're only a tad bit stupid. Fear not.)
2-Squeezing your nipples during your free time.
(You should worry a bit. But it's under control.)
3-Watching High School Musical for 2 whole hours.
(Bad start. Be careful)
4-Thinking you can be the next Simon Cowell.
(He's irreplacable. Dream on.)
5-Claiming you're a human when you're in between a gigantic crowd of flesh-eating zombies.
(You're beyond repair.)
6- Reading this post.
(I tricked you, didn't I? Hehe.)

Well, well, well. Turns out otherwise. Don't take it too hardly on yourself. Stupidity is a natural process. We all can learn to live with it. NOT.
There are not stupid questions. Just stupid people.
-Lincoln.

Friday, May 20, 2011

MacBeth, Swearing, Milk.

Guud morrneeng. I'm speaking Germany. Boo yeah. You can go zuck a cucumbar. *Epic Russian Typing*
So, Macbeth. Shakespeare. Controversy. Gay rights. (applies to Shakespeare's story, Macbeth) *Epic Choir Sound* Just to let you bastards know, we went for a play at a huge park located at Fort Canning and yes, you guessed it right, they were staging Macbeth there. Why the hell is the play called Macbeth? Why can't they name it Egg Tart or Russian Mother Chicken? Beats the hell out of me. Damn you, Shakespeare.(He's gay by the way) * Epic Zipping Of Pants* The park was full of people, and it was hot and loud. Just like in India. Minus off all the black people. No wait, MOST of them. The stage was pretty cool and Macbeth had awesome articulation and emotions as well. No, I'm just kidding. I can do better. Much much better. Now go eat some tampons. The play follows the story very closely, so for all you Macbeth fans, or I would like to call Fan-Beths, the ending is the same old boring one.

Gahhhh, cliche!

Talking about swearing, it is a very good form of exercise. Trust me. I cannot describe it in words, but I can, show it to you in picture.

Fear my almighty finger.
Ahh, I so love the middle finger. *Epic crotch kick* Lastly, we come to milk. It is white and found in cows and humans as well. Ah screw it, milk sucks. (Except for Oreo). *Epic Stripping* For all you lactose intolerant people, fear not. You can always drink other stuff apart from milk. Like saliva. Ahhh, so there you go. The ultimate solution for all your milk cravings.
And as for the rest, SUCK IT.
-Lincoln.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Nazis + Homer Simpson = Epic Win.

(Please leave this post immediately if you're not immune to sexual stuff written here). Yes, hello fellow MATURE viewer. You should be 18 years or above, I presume. Don't worry, it's not Canadian Pornography.(Three cheers for Canadian pornography!) With all due respect, I highly admire the Nazis. They are so brave, they invented the AK-47 (gun prototype in case you didn't know) and, they have a I'll-fuck-you-anytime attitude that is awesome to the max. I swear to god, I love the Nazis. They have an awesome sense of humor, vulgarities, and sexual stuff that anyone could ever asked for. The Nazis are just AWESOME.


You, sir, are one of the most awesome Nazi on this planet. With a mustache, of course.
That's the Russian spirit.
Now, to Homer Simpson. D'oh! Homer Jay Simpson. Father of Bart, Lisa and Maggie Simpson. Husband of Marge Simpson. Son of Grandpa Abe Simpson. Friend of Moe, Barney, Lenny and Carl. Ahhh, what more could you ask? He's yellow, he loves Duff Beer (*drunk voice* OH YEAH), he's fat and a couch potato and furthermore, he likes to strangle Bart during his free time. Aww, how sweet. If the Springfield ever existed, I would be the first one to visit the place, mainly because it's AWESOME. Hell yeah. D'oh! H-O-M-E-R = Epic. 

God bless you.
Here are some famous quotes of Homer Simpson. 'Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.' 'Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.' 'I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.' Man, this guy truly deserves a AWESOME GUY ON EARTH award. You can go check the quotes here: http://www.2spare.com/item_61333.aspx
Have fun laughing.
Rock on, Homer.
-Lincoln.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Reality Check(TM) = The Guide To All Your Needs.

Not keeping reality in check? Worried you'll lose your friends? Don't fear, Reality Check(TM) is here! May cause hate, confusion, violence, bloodshed and international racism. For just $19.90, you can improve your life and be a happy man like him! (We're obviously lying.)

Do not listen to them! Look what they've done to me!
Reality Check (TM) is a guide book dedicated to help troubled people with their problems professionally. We vow to change your lives for the better, not for the worst. (Whispers: These suckers actually believe what I say.) The book includes chapters of improving your life and happiness. Some of the include:
-How to breathe Oxygen.
-How Justin Bieber isn't real
-How would Lady Gaga turn out if she was a homosexual
-How to walk around your home without being naked and holding strawberry pie in your hand.
-How any one of you can be an idiot, I mean intelligent person.
-How pointing a gun with bullets in your head can be a good thing.
and lastly...how to survive a whole day by watching Disney Channel.

If you're not convinced, you can view our customer's testemonials. Below are some of them:
Don't worry. He was a hamster before this.
They actually won a competition before. They were the only contestants of course.
Reality Check (TM)- The All-In-One guide for advice on how to be a likable and sociable human. And not get punched in the face very often.
*No visible results proven. The above advertisement is a fake. No guarantee at all, no refunds. May have traces of peanuts, condoms, silicon boobs and sports bras. Side effects include horniness, dizziness, stupidity and sexual changes of behavior. Whilst stocks last.
-Lincoln.
(By the way, this guide is dedicated to a really, REALLY stupid group of girls. Their names are too stupid, if I mention them, I might cause human damage to those around me.)

Monday, May 16, 2011

Headshots, Chaos, Ownage, Black Ops.

Ahhh, the delightful smell of zombehs. Seriously. The best thing is you can shoot them. With a shotgun. Now, that's what I call awesome.

We want discounts!

 All fit into one really kick ass game, Black Ops. In case you're wondering, I had an overwhelming dosage of it after playing zombie mode in Black Ops and I have to tell you honestly. It rocks. Leon and I had a hell lot of time owning the shit out of those crap looking zombies. I really wished it was real. And that we were holding shotguns and blasting out zombie brains.

There is no mercy. Only head shots.
 We had awesomely fun multi player matches, with Gerald and Stephen, teaming up and going against one another. I swear, Black Ops is extremely fun. I'm not sure about all of the guns, but you must never underestimate the holy power snipers have. Hell yeah. With a sniper gun, a pistol and a knife, I blasted through the bloody match, kick-ass style. End Result: 19 kills, 6 deaths. BOO YAH.
Oh well, my hands are really aching after all that awesome fun in Black Ops. Time for some recuperation before I gear up for another wave of zombie ownage.
-Lincoln.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Justin Bieber vs A Glass Of Water

Alright. I was extremely bored. So what? At least I made this. And I'm pretty sure many people would appreciate this. Period. Yes, it's the fight of the millinuem. Justin Bieber: world renowned fucker, short guy who makes us feel better about our height and a dude who has crappy hair and can't seem to get enough hate. He's going up against...a glass of water.
Let's Fight!





              VERSUS  
Name: Justin Bieber
Claim To Fame: Boy Bastard.
Talents: Getting hated, being short,
way crappy hairstyle, gay voice, 
gay dressing, gay color purple.
Result: Loser 

Name: Glass Of Water
Claim To Fame: Basic Necessity
Talents: Consumable, allows body to function properly, quenches thirst, cures diseases.
Result: Winner!

So there you go! My masterpiece.
Remember, water beats Bieber!
Peace out!
-Lincoln

Friday, May 13, 2011

Paul, Black Ops and getting-extremely-hyper-over-awesome-ness.

Mahalo. That's 'hello' for english. But for the stupid people, they think it's a vulgar word. Well, let them be. Just to let you know, (drum rolls) I got Call Of Duty : Black Ops. It was priced at $70 and I thought it was somewhat worth it, and I hoped it would have more modes-be it single or multi player ones apart from the awesomely addictive, blood spilling 'Zombie Mode'. The graphics were really epic, and it whooped other FPS video games' asses. The story line was ehhh but what can you do, it's a shooting game, not some extremely awesome story game. The manual that came along in the game was a complete piece of crap- no pictures, no hints, not much description and a miserable button control guide on how to control your player in the game. In case you didn't know how it looked like, there's a picture here:


This guy really needs to get a shower.

Aside from that, Paul, the epic-alien terrestrial, humanely humorous and adorably cute movie has came out. In case you were wondering, Paul's GREEN. He can drink beer, drive, slack on a couch and apparently knows what the hell a television is. Also, he has the ability...to heal. (WTF?! Epic lame crap music playing~) Alright, ain't gonna spoil it for you. Okay, I already did but I ain't gonna spoil it more for you. If you're an uber alien-human fan, move your piddly arse and give this movie a go! Paul is way cooler than E.T. Hands down. Here's the poster for Paul:
Ahh yes, the only Alien kiddo that knows how to be epic.
There is another epic movie I wanted to cover, 'Thor' that is, but I thought : "Give the Norse God a break. He's getting too much attention." So sorry Marvel Comic Fans, I have to let you down this time.
This week is (drum rolls) so....(even more drum rolls) awesome! (cymbals clap and irritates the crap out of everyone.) I got my Black Ops, I blasted through Zombie Mode with Leon, I felt great after my exams and...I became more awesome after talking to you guys. Man, this month is a shitful of good crap.
'The Awesome One' has to go do some Black-Op-sing now AND a parody for Justin Bieber's 'Baby'. For some 'sluts' I know. :D
I love tampons.
-Lincoln

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Insults = Uber Epic

LMFAO. Oh, this is the most epic thing I've seen in ages. Heads up people, it's an insult video. Credits to hh1edits for this uber epic video.

Friday, May 6, 2011

The Summary Of Me.

Hi. I'm so awesome. And you're not. In case you're wondering, my exams aren't over yet. Major tests coming up next week so (cross hands). Apart from that, I highly endorse stupidity. And idiocy as well. (Although they have the same meaning basically). I'm intellectually adaptable, though some of you people won't comprehend. (It's a high level joke. So laugh like you've never laughed before). Ironically, I love FPS games (due to the gore probably) and sexual stuff as well. I do impersonations, in case you didn't know, and you can't differentiate me from an Indian. (not skin tone, but voice impersonation). I do not like people of different colors, bad breath, incompetent people (I mean those people who act like one), stalkers, spammers, naked people, sexually weird or deprived people, Chuck Norris (LOL!), Twitter, CSI, Narnia (for some reason : / ). I like vulgarities, insults, sexual stuff, intellectually challenging shows, intellectually challenging arguments, nonsensical crap, overload of stupidity, British accents, Indian accents, Japanese bento bowls, Skillet, Nickelback (old fashion rock :D), The Script, A7x (avenged sevenfold), Barenaked Ladies, clean toilet bowls, Nickelodeon, epic cool pencil cases, epic cool friends and...myself. So there you go. The SHORT summary of me. Real SHORT.
-Lincoln.