The Epic Blog Of Mine

The Epic Blog Of Mine
Feel good fun.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Hiatus

Yes...long hiatus eh? It's the god damn holidays, so it was obvious I had to cut some slack. Who wouldn't?
And I thank you blog-walkers for advertising your blogs, and spending your precious time to do it. Ahhh...how nice. I'm pretty sure not many know of this blog so if you're reading this, I've eliminated the possible choices of who is reading it. People. LOL. Regardless of that, I still want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I have to say that this blog has been here for very long so as for the Afghans, screw off.
I used to do parodies and raps but I don't really have the mood now. I finished composing a song which you will not hear and this sentence is completely pointless to you right now. Also, here are some things I want you to try out.
1. Say EYE
2. Spell MAP
3. Say NESS
4. There you go.

Sigh, I'm tired and I have nothing else to write. Until then, see you.
I like people who are not naked. Generic term but yes, oh wait. I like people who are naked.
I'm straight. Until I took an ar...forget it.
Lincoln

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Hello, amigo.

*drunk* Hello. Is been a long while since we meet again eh? Don't worry, I'm fine. (I know you didn't ask so I shall now wallow in self pity...NOT) This blog is not frequently updated because I'm too lazy to actually update it  personally and no fool would read this crap. But..this blog brings back memories of my parodies so I'm going to keep it...like a boss. AHHHHH.
Now, just to entertain you guys, I'm going to come up with a guide on how to be successful.

GUIDE TO BECOMING SUCCESSFUL
1. Don't be a bitch.
2. Hook up with someone.
3. There you go.
4. If this doesn't work, kill yourself.
5. If this doesn't work either, be successful.
6. Remember to troll at the same time.
7. I hate fat people.
8. I love Justin Bieber
9. ...NOT
10. Failure is the mother of success
11. Drunken grandmas are cool.
12. I'm drunk.
13. Nope, I'm not nude.
14. BITCHASS.
15. Don't give up on your dreams.
16. I'm not talking about sleep, idiot.
17. Actually, I was. *laughs*
18. Now bang your head against the wall.
19. If you feel the pain, repeat step 18 again until satisfied.
20. Thank you for spending constructive time here.
21. ...NOT.

-Lincoln

Monday, September 5, 2011

I LOVE PRISON BREAK :D

Hello. I love Prison Break. And to officially declare my love for it, I'm watching it now. Prison Break revolves around Michael and Lincoln and the story is KICK ASS. If you wanna know more of it, click here.
Anyway, there are tons of twists and turns in this series and you'll fucking wanna watch it. Trust me :D

Hell Yeah.
You have to watch it, trust me. Then you can tell me what's bolshoi booze? And Ripe Chance Woods? And Cute Poison? ;D

-Peter Griffin

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I thank you for my sexual recognition.*AHEM*


Yes, hello. Today we've all come here to acknowledge this twitter status update today. 'My scrotum busted today. Have to apply for fake implant now. Bravo, bravo.*Claps*
I gotta say, you have style man. You have style. Say, my arch nemesis maybe? Ehh, too cliche. Maybe one of my class mates? Possibly. So there you go. I thank you for acknowledging how awesome my scrotum is and yes, you can go suck it. Since you expertise in it, maybe you should go suck one. What ya think?

The tweet bird is officially the bird without  a 'tweet'.

Alright, and just to keep you updated, I am alive and well. Thank you for you humanely concern. Now screw off.
-Lincoln

..



Saturday, August 6, 2011

SCREW YOU BLOGWALKERS!

Damn you people. Can't you guys get a life? Stop FRIGGIN' BLOGWALKING. It's for gay midgets who are racially abused. I mean it. God damn it, if Jesus were here, he'd whip your ass with huckleberry pie.
Apart from that, I don't really know what else to write about. And this blog brings back memories of the past...really good ones. From the bottom of my heart, I will treasure them. All the parodies, the jokes, the insults and the swear and curses. Ahh, I will remember them. Speaking of which, I am currently obsessed with the piano. Ehh, you know, they say music makes you a great man. Indeed. The most kickass James Bond song, (which is the Casino Royale Theme Song) has been learnt by me. WOOHOO!
Well, not much has change. It's just the same usual me. I throw curses, and you take them. Hmm..pretty nice tagline, eh?
Yes yes, my blog is dead. I don't regularly update it with hilarious stuff for you to laugh at. But...there's one thing I will still do. That is to exist. Ahahah, OWNED.
-Peter Griffin
P.S. I don't call myself Lincoln. Peter Griffin is so much nicer. And classier too.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

HELLO!

Yes, yes, I know. It's been a hell of a while since I last updated my blog. And frankly speaking, there's nothing much to update. I talk nonsense, I insult people and yes, I love myself. The past few months have been eh, you know, morally human. I now realize I really suck in FPS games. Including Black Ops. On the contrary, I have been playing soccer for 5 days every week during school time because, well, I love dribbling and scoring goals.
I have grown heavier and taller so that's a good thing. My crotch has become more appealing and sexy, which I really am proud of. So far so good. How 'bout you?
-Lincoln.
P.S. Gonna be quite a while before I update again.

Monday, May 30, 2011

HOLIDAYS FTW

It feels good to be back. It's apparent the holidays are here *insert awesome cheer here* so I've dedicated this post to it. Tons of stuff to do, but mainly Black Ops.
Here is the list of my must-get games:
-Battlefield 3
-Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
-Uncharted 3
-Crysis 2
-Portal 2
-Infamous 2
Boo yeah.
Well, less talking and more awesome-ing. (is that even a word? o.O)
-Lincoln.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Crotch kicks and mother fucking vampires = Love + Hate

Don't you just love it when your crotch gets a big kick in the groin? Ahhh, splendid. The common response you'll get is 'ARGHHH!'. Love that. *Russian Voice* Crotch kicks are, how you say, very beautiful. Your big balls will get hurt. Very badly. Ooh la la. Muahaha. Masturbate. 

Big balls. Big kick.
And vampires. Ahh, fuck them. Blood sucking mother fuckers. You die, bitches! They say vampires are allergic to garlic, silver bullets or when you tie them to a Christian cross. How untrue. If you had a shotgun, that would solve the problem. Boo yah. Onward Nazis. *Epic Nazi Hand Stretch* As for the vampires, go taste some silver bullets. 

Watch out. I bite back.
Adios Amigo. There's not much left of me to say. Hmm, maybe one more sentence. 
Death to bitches, vampires, bad breath, Justin Bieber and all you non-awesome people!
-Lincoln.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Baby Parody: Kill Them.

Now I know I said RubbaFace isn't gonna make more parodies, but this one has to go on my blog. Seriously. And well, if you're a female, this is sensitive. *Please leave immediately if you don't feel uncomfortable.* Alas, I present to you, the parody.

Lyrics:
*Dum Dum Dum* Look at all those bitches there. *Dum Dum*
They are so ugly I swear *Dum Dum* Look at their pathetic hair! *DUM!*
1st Verse:
Idiotic buffoons, who can't think.
Crazy baboons, who look like dicks.
They have no brains,
they smell of shit.
They have no fame and no bloody armpits.
So god damn useless,
a waste of space.
Bunch of cheap sluts,
I'll punch their face.
Adolf Hitler wants to destroy,
a bunch of stupid looking girl who look like boys!
Chorus:
And we were like 'Kill Them Kill Them Kill Them ALL!'
Kill Them, Kill Them, Kill Them ALL! x2
We'll rip out their fucking eyes and piss on them
Repeat x2

2nd Verse:
Oh look at them, those 4 meat headed shit sacks. (I don't know why, but I prefer 4. For a reason, obviously).
Man, their faces are full of monkey crap.
Tie them to a house,
burn it to the ground,
watch them cry somemore,
we'll laugh at them right now.
Make them suffer,
those bloody bitches,
rip their hair apart,
dissect them into ten parts.
And let them *Slow Mo* suck some dick,
and we will laugh out loud,
we will tell them now
Chorus

Rap:
Oh yeah! When I first saw them,
they looked like bullshit,
I couldn't compare them to human beings,
coz they were so stupid, every single one of them.
They were just grade A dog crap,
they had no common sense,
they were so fucking stupid,
when they pee-ed, they went to the gents.
They were just backstabbers,
a bunch of useless girls who betray people for their,
own gain and benefits,
but what they didn't really know was that,
we weren't blind, yeah
we knew what they did,
those useless pieces of shit,
and now it's payback,
we're gonna let them have it,
Chorus

Ending:
Kill them all, make them suffer more x3
Fuck those sluts.

So there ya' go. I'm pretty sure it's awesome. I took about 1 hour on this. And I do have an Apologize Parody about my 'awesomeness'. I'll post that sometime later.
Voila.
-Lincoln.

Stupidity = A Test Of Your Intelligence.

Alright earthlings. Let's all admit it. Somehow or other, we're all stupid. It's just HOW stupid are we. And hence, this post was created. For stupid people. Voila. Now, the definition of the word 'stupid' means 'being dumb enough to lose your virginity to a tree branch'. *Epic Definition FTW* There are tons of stupid people in this world, and even in my class. But with respect to their extreme stupidity, I shall not mention their names. I'm afraid they might go hit themselves with a rock or something. Homer Simpson once said 'Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups'. That is so true. Now let's get this clear with, Spongebob is not stupid. He's a cartoon character that acts like he's dumb. But for Justin Bieber, pfft, hell yeah. Too stupid to be true. *Epic Swearing* Not to worry, I've made a stupid-o-meter for all you guys to check how stupid you are. *applause* Ahhh, humanity. Gotta love it.

My great grandfather once told me this.
-The Stupid-O-Meter- *Epic Cheer*
How it works: 
You'll be given a stupid rating from 1-5. There will be guidelines for you to follow and you can check how stupid you are from there. Congratulations. You're one step away from being an idiot.

Guidelines to your stupidity:
1- Laughing at fat, black, gay people. Or Justin Bieber.
(You're only a tad bit stupid. Fear not.)
2-Squeezing your nipples during your free time.
(You should worry a bit. But it's under control.)
3-Watching High School Musical for 2 whole hours.
(Bad start. Be careful)
4-Thinking you can be the next Simon Cowell.
(He's irreplacable. Dream on.)
5-Claiming you're a human when you're in between a gigantic crowd of flesh-eating zombies.
(You're beyond repair.)
6- Reading this post.
(I tricked you, didn't I? Hehe.)

Well, well, well. Turns out otherwise. Don't take it too hardly on yourself. Stupidity is a natural process. We all can learn to live with it. NOT.
There are not stupid questions. Just stupid people.
-Lincoln.

Friday, May 20, 2011

MacBeth, Swearing, Milk.

Guud morrneeng. I'm speaking Germany. Boo yeah. You can go zuck a cucumbar. *Epic Russian Typing*
So, Macbeth. Shakespeare. Controversy. Gay rights. (applies to Shakespeare's story, Macbeth) *Epic Choir Sound* Just to let you bastards know, we went for a play at a huge park located at Fort Canning and yes, you guessed it right, they were staging Macbeth there. Why the hell is the play called Macbeth? Why can't they name it Egg Tart or Russian Mother Chicken? Beats the hell out of me. Damn you, Shakespeare.(He's gay by the way) * Epic Zipping Of Pants* The park was full of people, and it was hot and loud. Just like in India. Minus off all the black people. No wait, MOST of them. The stage was pretty cool and Macbeth had awesome articulation and emotions as well. No, I'm just kidding. I can do better. Much much better. Now go eat some tampons. The play follows the story very closely, so for all you Macbeth fans, or I would like to call Fan-Beths, the ending is the same old boring one.

Gahhhh, cliche!

Talking about swearing, it is a very good form of exercise. Trust me. I cannot describe it in words, but I can, show it to you in picture.

Fear my almighty finger.
Ahh, I so love the middle finger. *Epic crotch kick* Lastly, we come to milk. It is white and found in cows and humans as well. Ah screw it, milk sucks. (Except for Oreo). *Epic Stripping* For all you lactose intolerant people, fear not. You can always drink other stuff apart from milk. Like saliva. Ahhh, so there you go. The ultimate solution for all your milk cravings.
And as for the rest, SUCK IT.
-Lincoln.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Nazis + Homer Simpson = Epic Win.

(Please leave this post immediately if you're not immune to sexual stuff written here). Yes, hello fellow MATURE viewer. You should be 18 years or above, I presume. Don't worry, it's not Canadian Pornography.(Three cheers for Canadian pornography!) With all due respect, I highly admire the Nazis. They are so brave, they invented the AK-47 (gun prototype in case you didn't know) and, they have a I'll-fuck-you-anytime attitude that is awesome to the max. I swear to god, I love the Nazis. They have an awesome sense of humor, vulgarities, and sexual stuff that anyone could ever asked for. The Nazis are just AWESOME.


You, sir, are one of the most awesome Nazi on this planet. With a mustache, of course.
That's the Russian spirit.
Now, to Homer Simpson. D'oh! Homer Jay Simpson. Father of Bart, Lisa and Maggie Simpson. Husband of Marge Simpson. Son of Grandpa Abe Simpson. Friend of Moe, Barney, Lenny and Carl. Ahhh, what more could you ask? He's yellow, he loves Duff Beer (*drunk voice* OH YEAH), he's fat and a couch potato and furthermore, he likes to strangle Bart during his free time. Aww, how sweet. If the Springfield ever existed, I would be the first one to visit the place, mainly because it's AWESOME. Hell yeah. D'oh! H-O-M-E-R = Epic. 

God bless you.
Here are some famous quotes of Homer Simpson. 'Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.' 'Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.' 'I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.' Man, this guy truly deserves a AWESOME GUY ON EARTH award. You can go check the quotes here: http://www.2spare.com/item_61333.aspx
Have fun laughing.
Rock on, Homer.
-Lincoln.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Reality Check(TM) = The Guide To All Your Needs.

Not keeping reality in check? Worried you'll lose your friends? Don't fear, Reality Check(TM) is here! May cause hate, confusion, violence, bloodshed and international racism. For just $19.90, you can improve your life and be a happy man like him! (We're obviously lying.)

Do not listen to them! Look what they've done to me!
Reality Check (TM) is a guide book dedicated to help troubled people with their problems professionally. We vow to change your lives for the better, not for the worst. (Whispers: These suckers actually believe what I say.) The book includes chapters of improving your life and happiness. Some of the include:
-How to breathe Oxygen.
-How Justin Bieber isn't real
-How would Lady Gaga turn out if she was a homosexual
-How to walk around your home without being naked and holding strawberry pie in your hand.
-How any one of you can be an idiot, I mean intelligent person.
-How pointing a gun with bullets in your head can be a good thing.
and lastly...how to survive a whole day by watching Disney Channel.

If you're not convinced, you can view our customer's testemonials. Below are some of them:
Don't worry. He was a hamster before this.
They actually won a competition before. They were the only contestants of course.
Reality Check (TM)- The All-In-One guide for advice on how to be a likable and sociable human. And not get punched in the face very often.
*No visible results proven. The above advertisement is a fake. No guarantee at all, no refunds. May have traces of peanuts, condoms, silicon boobs and sports bras. Side effects include horniness, dizziness, stupidity and sexual changes of behavior. Whilst stocks last.
-Lincoln.
(By the way, this guide is dedicated to a really, REALLY stupid group of girls. Their names are too stupid, if I mention them, I might cause human damage to those around me.)

Monday, May 16, 2011

Headshots, Chaos, Ownage, Black Ops.

Ahhh, the delightful smell of zombehs. Seriously. The best thing is you can shoot them. With a shotgun. Now, that's what I call awesome.

We want discounts!

 All fit into one really kick ass game, Black Ops. In case you're wondering, I had an overwhelming dosage of it after playing zombie mode in Black Ops and I have to tell you honestly. It rocks. Leon and I had a hell lot of time owning the shit out of those crap looking zombies. I really wished it was real. And that we were holding shotguns and blasting out zombie brains.

There is no mercy. Only head shots.
 We had awesomely fun multi player matches, with Gerald and Stephen, teaming up and going against one another. I swear, Black Ops is extremely fun. I'm not sure about all of the guns, but you must never underestimate the holy power snipers have. Hell yeah. With a sniper gun, a pistol and a knife, I blasted through the bloody match, kick-ass style. End Result: 19 kills, 6 deaths. BOO YAH.
Oh well, my hands are really aching after all that awesome fun in Black Ops. Time for some recuperation before I gear up for another wave of zombie ownage.
-Lincoln.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Justin Bieber vs A Glass Of Water

Alright. I was extremely bored. So what? At least I made this. And I'm pretty sure many people would appreciate this. Period. Yes, it's the fight of the millinuem. Justin Bieber: world renowned fucker, short guy who makes us feel better about our height and a dude who has crappy hair and can't seem to get enough hate. He's going up against...a glass of water.
Let's Fight!





              VERSUS  
Name: Justin Bieber
Claim To Fame: Boy Bastard.
Talents: Getting hated, being short,
way crappy hairstyle, gay voice, 
gay dressing, gay color purple.
Result: Loser 

Name: Glass Of Water
Claim To Fame: Basic Necessity
Talents: Consumable, allows body to function properly, quenches thirst, cures diseases.
Result: Winner!

So there you go! My masterpiece.
Remember, water beats Bieber!
Peace out!
-Lincoln

Friday, May 13, 2011

Paul, Black Ops and getting-extremely-hyper-over-awesome-ness.

Mahalo. That's 'hello' for english. But for the stupid people, they think it's a vulgar word. Well, let them be. Just to let you know, (drum rolls) I got Call Of Duty : Black Ops. It was priced at $70 and I thought it was somewhat worth it, and I hoped it would have more modes-be it single or multi player ones apart from the awesomely addictive, blood spilling 'Zombie Mode'. The graphics were really epic, and it whooped other FPS video games' asses. The story line was ehhh but what can you do, it's a shooting game, not some extremely awesome story game. The manual that came along in the game was a complete piece of crap- no pictures, no hints, not much description and a miserable button control guide on how to control your player in the game. In case you didn't know how it looked like, there's a picture here:


This guy really needs to get a shower.

Aside from that, Paul, the epic-alien terrestrial, humanely humorous and adorably cute movie has came out. In case you were wondering, Paul's GREEN. He can drink beer, drive, slack on a couch and apparently knows what the hell a television is. Also, he has the ability...to heal. (WTF?! Epic lame crap music playing~) Alright, ain't gonna spoil it for you. Okay, I already did but I ain't gonna spoil it more for you. If you're an uber alien-human fan, move your piddly arse and give this movie a go! Paul is way cooler than E.T. Hands down. Here's the poster for Paul:
Ahh yes, the only Alien kiddo that knows how to be epic.
There is another epic movie I wanted to cover, 'Thor' that is, but I thought : "Give the Norse God a break. He's getting too much attention." So sorry Marvel Comic Fans, I have to let you down this time.
This week is (drum rolls) so....(even more drum rolls) awesome! (cymbals clap and irritates the crap out of everyone.) I got my Black Ops, I blasted through Zombie Mode with Leon, I felt great after my exams and...I became more awesome after talking to you guys. Man, this month is a shitful of good crap.
'The Awesome One' has to go do some Black-Op-sing now AND a parody for Justin Bieber's 'Baby'. For some 'sluts' I know. :D
I love tampons.
-Lincoln

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Insults = Uber Epic

LMFAO. Oh, this is the most epic thing I've seen in ages. Heads up people, it's an insult video. Credits to hh1edits for this uber epic video.

Friday, May 6, 2011

The Summary Of Me.

Hi. I'm so awesome. And you're not. In case you're wondering, my exams aren't over yet. Major tests coming up next week so (cross hands). Apart from that, I highly endorse stupidity. And idiocy as well. (Although they have the same meaning basically). I'm intellectually adaptable, though some of you people won't comprehend. (It's a high level joke. So laugh like you've never laughed before). Ironically, I love FPS games (due to the gore probably) and sexual stuff as well. I do impersonations, in case you didn't know, and you can't differentiate me from an Indian. (not skin tone, but voice impersonation). I do not like people of different colors, bad breath, incompetent people (I mean those people who act like one), stalkers, spammers, naked people, sexually weird or deprived people, Chuck Norris (LOL!), Twitter, CSI, Narnia (for some reason : / ). I like vulgarities, insults, sexual stuff, intellectually challenging shows, intellectually challenging arguments, nonsensical crap, overload of stupidity, British accents, Indian accents, Japanese bento bowls, Skillet, Nickelback (old fashion rock :D), The Script, A7x (avenged sevenfold), Barenaked Ladies, clean toilet bowls, Nickelodeon, epic cool pencil cases, epic cool friends and...myself. So there you go. The SHORT summary of me. Real SHORT.
-Lincoln.

Friday, April 15, 2011

THAT'S IT!

Yes, that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. THAT'S IT people. I have a goal right now. Don't worry, it's not about existence, 'coz I already am fulfilling that. =.= It's about 2-3 more weeks to the mid-year exams and I'm darn right serious about it. Previously my tests were above the average but still, my overall mark doesn't exactly please me. No offense. So...here are my goals:
1. Score well in Mid Year Exams (try to get A's which is actually 70 only. Not that high as you expected)
2. Get Black Ops on PS3 (Only if I fulfill number one.)
3. Get fatter. (I mean bigger).
4. Perhaps, get a life. (Nah, it's 100 percent false).
5. Enjoy life with friends. :D

So there ya' go, approximately few more weeks to mid-year exams. Wish me luck! You must, bitch.
Lotsa stuff to do. And lotsa swearing coming out of my mouth if I ever fail my exams.
-Lincoln

Friday, April 8, 2011

Albert Einstein + Darth Vader = Epic Win! :D

Guess what? Your mother died. Nah, of course she didn't. (She did, seriously) Lincoln here with another equation of life. What's mathematics without this intellectually awesome, afro-haired genius and a hopeless man who can't get chicks to dig him? What's star wars without this supreme lord donned in black, wielding a powerful lightsaber and constantly reading Harry Potter books? Well, if you bring these two icons together, you get an epic win. Yes, it's Alby and Dartho. (I give them nick names).
Alby and Dartho in action.

'Chicks dig me!'

J.K Rowling would be so proud.
Oh well, new poll coming up and please please vote. If not you go suck balls. Big big balls. Go to Pakistan and never come back. And go there naked too.
-Lincoln.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

IT people = Future and present slackers

Man, it sure feels good to be in the IT cca. (in case you don't know, infocomm technolgy co-curriculum activity).
Why don't you join IT? We have:
-Three fat teachers in the club and they are dumber then they look.
-Cool apple desktops for you to slack while the stupid teacher is teaching.
-An AIR-CONDITIONED, IT lab full of slackers. Ahh, birds of a feather flock together.
-SHORT periods of IT training, approximately 2 minutes.(nah, just joking.)
-Ugly and weird people in the cca for you to pick on and laugh at.
-Lincoln. The most supreme and epic guy in the club which gives you hell lotta fun to hang out with him. :D
Our club's endurance test.
So consider IT as your cca. It works wonders and you can slack most of the time. For queries and info, call Lincoln @ 999. Have fun! :D
-Lincoln

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Furball Frenzy!

This is picture pur-fect.
Cat: WTF do you think you're doing?

LOL. That's all.
-Lincoln

Epic Saw Parody :D

 Hey guys, it's Lincoln here. I decided to re-post this entry coz' it was SO epic I couldn't stop laughing. Yes, it was done by me a long time ago but still it's epic shit. Here it is:
Hello TianWei. This is CowShit. I mean Jigsaw. Tianwei...you always wanted to be skinny...now's your chance. You tried many methods of being skinny....eating banana skins(wth?), going to slimcare centres and jumping like a crazy nut on a trampoline until it breaks. So now....this is redemption time. You don't get free slimcare coupons. Now...you'll realise that you are strapped to an inescapable chair. Tianwei says: You mean this and escapes from it. Jigsaw slaps himself. "How da hell...? You noe what, get back in the chair now!" Tianwei does that. "Now...as I was saying. On top of you, there is a flame thrower that will burn you into roast pork in 50 secs. In order to deactivate the flamethrower, you must...Jigsaw sees TianWei eating a drumstick. It was roasted. "Go on...I'm listening." TianWei gains another ounce of fat after eating the fatty, crapschmap pile of chicken barf. "Okay...next to you are razor sharp blades that can slice the tofu fats outta you!" TianWei claps his hand, not knowing how he resembles like that of a retarted pig finding apples. "So...you gotta slice of ya fats and below you are weighing machines. If you get enough fats cut off, the weighing machine will go down, deactivating the flabazhongjing flamethrower." TianWei screams the monkey crap outta himself and Jigsaw starts playing Guitar Hero 2. "The game starts now. Jigsaw starts ramming his guitar and presses the 3 buttons on it." TianWei becomes desperate and starts to fart like popcorn while trying to escape. (He could, but he wouldn't). Out of anxiousness, TianWei starts to cut his fats at the razor blades. He also tried to recall the bloody period in which he menustrated like a pathetic baffoon. Jigsaw then went to watch Punk'd and laughed. The timer read 20 secs. The weighing machine was slightly going down. 15...14...ah shut up you cuckoo crap clock! TianWei was frantically cutting his fats out and measuring the distance between his first and second nipple. It was 1 cm. 10...9...the weighing machine was going down. 8...7...6...I swept the floor! 5...4...3...I puched your jaw! 2...TianWei fufils his task and the straps unlock themselves. 1...Jigsaw tells TianWei that he lied about the trap. He could have escaped fromt the chair. TianWei swears like an oompa loompa with its armpit hair ripped out. The flame thrower activates. Broom...fire spreads out. Tian Wei says: "What the F..." But before he could, the flame roasts him and the remainders of the seemingly stupid dickhead was a tiny nose.

Hope you enjoyed my LONG story.
That's it, laugh, cry but don't crap.
RubbaFace

So there ya go. Awesome eh. ^^
-Lincoln. 

Friday, April 1, 2011

Luxor = Your Mother?

Hey dudes. It's Linc. Well, I guess some of you might know what's Luxor. And if you belong to the people who don't, I'll explain it to you all. Luxor is a video game, where you match three balls of identical colors together. And as obvious, I rock at it. Happened to stop by a electronic shop and saw a computer that had Luxor and you can guess the rest. Anyway, they asked me to give them an 'In Game Name' in Luxor and I had to make it epic.
With all due respect to mothers.
Ahh, sorry moms. Had to do that. Anyway, you should try Luxor. It's really fun...for nerds. (Yes, I'm sort of one). Rock on!
-Lincoln.

Nacho Fury!

Helluu. Lincoln here, obviously. Today was a tiring AND epic day for me. We had to stay till 8 at night in our school for some talk held and right after that, me, Patrick and Boss walked to Tiong Bahru. In the DARK. It was so epic cool dude. (You people should really try it, it's awesome) I had some western dinner, so did they. But I have to admit the meal was pretty expensive. x.x Oh and nachos. Nachos,  nachos, nachos. Ahh, they are dipped in CHEESE right? So it was my brilliant idea to do this epic awesome plan to a nacho machine at a seven-eleven store. And guess what? Here's the result:
Also known as fungus el Nacho, commonly found in your toilet.
And a lot more epic stuff happened at Tiong but apparently I'm too tired to tell you all about it. It's 1 in the morning. Yawn.
-Lincoln.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Adolf Hitler = Epic.

Man, I have got to say this people. Adolf Hitler is so epic. Yes, he might be a notorious general that controlled Germany fiercely but still...we have to give credit to his epic-ness. This video won't fail to disappoint you, I promise. So take a look here:
Adolf Hitler At His Best :D (click on the link)
'Oh crap. I don't have a Facebook account.'

 So..Adolf Hitler = Epic. Big time.
-Lincoln


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Naked Mannequins Are Adorable.

Yeah, it's Linc again. Apparently epic stuff happen to me all the time. And this time it's in this post. Many people think the naked is porn. I don't think so. Me and Patrick happened to be walking around the shops of Tiong Bahru Plaza talking about nonsense and crap. Then we stumbled onto this shop called 'More Than Words', a gift shop. The shop was filled with gifts ( it was a gift shop) and erm, guess what. We found a mannequin only from the waist down wearing some advertised clothing. Then THIS happened.
You might wanna get your children out of this page.
Ahh yes, that's me standing next to erm...that. And it felt good somehow. So LOL at it and feel happy that you found a blog worth laughing at. Naked mannequins are so adorable. Period. Oh well, thank god it was a mannequin. If it were real, I'd wonder what would happen.
Till next time,
-Lincoln.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Oreo + Fat People = Epic Win.

Woo. 50th Post. Alright then, let's get down to the point. What's black and white and has cream inside?(Don't think dirty ;D) It's Oreo! Kraft is brilliance. \m/
 

Heaven is right in front of you.
Next up on our list is fat people! Fat people are hard to kidnap. Yep. Hard to kidnap.
But don't look down on them. They can crush you. So hard. Say goodbye to your existence if they do. They are much much powerful then gravity.
Here is a list I created of the pros and cons of being fat:
Pros
-Hard to kidnap (LOL)
-99 percent chance of not being a bully victim (the other 1 percent goes to fat nerds)
-Most likely Harry Potter fans.
-More chins then Chinatown.
-Possible cause of killing Justin Bieber. (sorry people, had to disappoint you)
-Gives you a lot to laugh at.
Cons
-Slower movement
-Unhealthy (somewhat of)

So there you go! Another reason to have slabs of meat coming outta ya body.
When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
Voila. Beautiful. Bye. Bitch.
-Lincoln.

I hate spammers.


Let's come down to reality. What has the internet given us? There is knowledge, porn and there's this special group called...the spammers. Ahh yes, spammers. Spammers, spammers, spammers. Like what my best buddy-spammer used to say 'Fogfgjkjdfkfujkj!'. No seriously. Why the spam? Spamming is a painful process where you randomly press letters on your keyboard and you feel delighted 'coz you basically owned that guy.
Ok, this has nothing to do with spamming but I find it unusually epic. (Click on the picture if you can't see the words).
They don't call him God for nothing.
There's no possible way to stop spam, and it would be cool if a 'Spam Warrior' existed. Saving the internet world from spamming and still enjoying porn at the same time. Ahh, how awesome could that be.
Oh well, not much left to say except 'Breathe More Oxygen'.
Remember to exist!
-Lincoln

Whaddup with Thailand?

Alright what-ever-your-name is, I have a life. And my name is Lincoln.( I do have a chinese name, but obviously Lincoln sounds cooler). So basically for today( and yesterday as well), I had Thailand people coming to our school for some kind of weird ass visit. On Monday, three thailand people (that's bad enough) came to our class and lucky me, one of them sat near me. (Sarcasm detected. Lol here). Now, I'm not saying I have a grudge against Thailand people but it's just I DON'T like them. Period. Then on Tuesday, there was assembly and a couple of Thailand students taught as how to speak Thailand. With all due respect, I didn't bother to remember what they taught (everyone too) and making Thailand words sound like vulgarities was somewhat of an epic cool thing. Seriously. Patrick LMAO-ed the whole time and I laughed too. So kids, never ever try this at home. The only thing you'll get is a bucket full of haters and some guy without his pants on. (Pfft, like that would happen).
Just so you know, Thailand is situated between the left side of my crotch to the right side of my crotch.

.So...anyone up for nudles?


Well, that's all...for now.
-Lincoln.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Imperfection.

Imperfection is what deceives us. Imperfection is what unites us. Imperfection is within us, but we just don't know it. People strive to do their best, strive to be PERFECT. But somehow, everyone isn't. You have to understand the logic of life in order to understand imperfection. Without that, you'd be going nowhere.

Imperfection isn't a sin. It's what we're born with.




The most commonly misunderstood definition of imperfection is to sin. Well obviously these people who think imperfection is sinning are just finding an excuse to get out of the guilty conscience they're in. And it is actually they, who sin. If you've ever failed a test, looked down on yourself, think you're never perfect- don't. Imperfection is part of our existence, the human race. And it brings us closer because we know- we can never be perfect. This moral itself can explain how mankind makes mistakes even if they didn't want to. They just happen. Humans err. They're supposed to. So next time you think you've failed a test and you wanna die- think again.

-Lincoln



Greed.

Greed is the devil's hand tool. Greed is the bomb waiting to destruct. Greed is the tomb that is open for you to go in and never come out. Greed is never good. See the amount of damage it has caused to Libya, because of greed? General Garaffi is made up of greed. His country has been under his power for so long; under corruption that is. Don't abuse the power you have because of greed.


Greed consumes. And feeds on your mind.
Greed consumes you, like venom on an innocent soul. Humans err, but obviously they can change their errors to become better. But many fail to do that. Remember, HOPE exists, only if you think it does. If you're led astray, never fret. You still can turn back. But if you choose not to, Greed and other immoral values of inhumanity will consume you.

-Lincoln.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Hope.

Without hope, there is no existence. Hope is in us. Hope is everywhere. The power of hope heals burdened souls. Japan needs hope. They seriously do. Pray For Japan. Pray for them. Pray they still have hope inside them. Pray that hope will lift up their damaged hearts.
Pray For Japan, Pray For Hope, Pray For Peace.
 I hope hope is inside every one of you. Please have the heart to pray for those people suffering in Japan. The pain and agony they are in is unimaginable. Go to the link below to donate and help the people of Japan. Thanks.

'http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_newsroom/20110311/wl_yblog_newsroom/japan-earthquake-and-tsunami-how-to-help'

-Lincoln.





Work Of Sin

You people should know what you've done. What you've done. What sin you've committed. What betrayal you've unleashed upon.
For all you sinners, fuck you.


You people are the WORK OF SIN. It's perfectly normal for any human being to sin. We all have a choice to what we do, and sometimes sin forces us to act upon it. But not in all cases. Most of the time, you are in control with yourself. It's just that you let IT control YOU. Sinning has a large definition. Betrayal, Lust, Cold-Blooded, Greed, Contempt. Everyone sins, but they don't sin like it's their job. So for all you sinners out there, fuck you. The world definitely needs less people like you to exist. 

-Lincoln.

Lincoln.

Hello fellow viewers. You may be wondering where RubbaFace has went to and guess what, he's right here.
Metamorphosis makes the world change. The word itself is change. Hence, RubbaFace is gone. Forget about him. Forget about his parodies. Forget about how he made you laugh. There's a new face for RubbaFace, and his name is Lincoln. Everything in this blog has changed. Including you. So keep in mind, you...are the greatest change of all.


-Lincoln.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Rubbaface's gone rock!

Hey guys. It's RubbaFace now. Or you can call me RockFace. I've gone completely rock now. Christian rock, death metal, rock-pop and all other genres involving rock. \m/
Anyway, here are some epic quotations(very emo) that I invented:

Thorns of poison, the devil's work. Barbs of hell, where I become berserk.
Feel your faith, feel your pain. Numb to the core, numb to the vein.
Spear of imperfection, pricking through my skin. The power of irritation, gets within my inner sin.
Devour the good, cherish the evil. Nightmares from below, all by the devil.
Blood that flows, blood that cries. Bind together, they form my eyes.
Release the inner demon, fufil what's needed to do. The darkness of my soul, is what makes me part of you.

So how about that, eh?
Epic rock huh.
RockFace \m/

The Poem Of Crap

Supp' people! Rubbaface here. It's been a long time I did any parodies but this time I came up with a poem. Always say this to your loved one during valentine's day:

When I think of you, I think of a crippled pig.
Of all the things I could give you, I would give you a dick.
Your teeth makes the sky cry,
your boobs are the size of two houseflies.
You look neither male nor female,
what's worst is I would give you up for a mug of ginger ale.

You shower me with tender care and concern,
I return the favor by sending you to live with the Arabians.
Beyond the limits of our love, you would go all out for me,
and what I would do is throw you into a hive full of blood sucking bees.
You think I look cute,
I think you can't even fit in an extra large swimming suit,
You arrange with me on dates,
I scream with horror for you have AIDS.
But still, your love spreads like a flower,
and you smell of 10 days without a shower.
The mountains are inspiring to me,
but you, my darling, is very bitchy.
And so, I wave a final good bye,
thank god you're leaving me for another guy.
Let us remember the times before we part,
for you remind me of...a fucked up slut.
Yours Sincerely,
RubbaFace. \m/